She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
