I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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