Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
