How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
