I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
