We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
