I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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