I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
