She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
