if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
