I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
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So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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