Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
