it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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