I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
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Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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