I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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