We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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