When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
