I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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