Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize