Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
