he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
