I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
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She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
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I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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