I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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