She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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