Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
