I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
