How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
