I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think a kid would responsible me up
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
