after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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