how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
