He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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