Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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