Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize