Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
