If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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