you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
