Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
