i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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