I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
