I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize