Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
