I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
