Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
