we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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