If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
