I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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