Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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