Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize