hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
