i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
