i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
