Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need moral support for this bender
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
