I just made out with a guy for $7.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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