i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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