Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
