i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
