yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
