But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
